Because marriage is an ever-evolving experience, we are constantly shifting, changing and, in some cases, starting over. In this movie No Secret, couples share thoughts about commitment and tell us what they’ve learned, revealing their secret to making it work. (Answers are modified according to context and space.)
Who is the Daisy Egan, 42, and Kurt Bloom, 53
professions Ms. Egan is represented; Mr. Bloom is the Director of Operations for Guitar Center, a retailer of musical instruments, in Monterey Park, Calf.
Married One year and six months and the number is growing.
over the years
The couple lives in Los Angeles with their son Monty, 8, and married May 6, 2020, in Anaheim, Calv., at a Honda Auto Center, where a temporary marriage station has been set up. “It was Covid, everything was shut down,” Egan said. “We walked into a booth and married this court clerk. My sister had seen us. She was very boneless. The Cheesecake Factory was our wedding meal, and we had to go because their car was just open.”
This was followed by a Zoom celebration on May 24 with 30 friends and family watching from a distance. “We exchanged the promises we wrote,” she said. “That was very special.”
Ms. Egan met Mr. Bloom in 2008, while they were studying writing at Antioch University in Los Angeles. She was 29 and he was 40. “I read his play in the final,” Ms. Egan said. We were outside smoking and he praised my acting. Then walk away. It was giving me validation, which I needed, and it was funny.” Little did Mr. Bloom know that Mrs. Egan had won a Tony Award in 1991 for Best Performance by a Featured Actress in a Musical for ‘Secret Garden.’
Soon, they found themselves in many of the same classrooms. This led to a study of dates which led to a relationship. In 2010, they moved to live together; After two years they separated. “We weren’t very happy,” Ms. Egan said. “All we did was smoke cigarettes, drink and watch TV.”
A few weeks later, she found out that she was ten and a half weeks pregnant. “I was staying in a hotel and we met to talk about what we should do,” she said. Kurt said, ‘I want this baby to be with you. “That was the moment I realized I wanted it too.”
They are back together. Monty was born in May 2013. And things didn’t get any better. “We thought the baby would fix us. We were scared and not ready to work with us. In 2015 they called it quitting again. In 2017, Ms. Egan went on tour for over a year with both ‘The Secret Garden’ and ‘The Humans.'” Mr. Bloom took Monty to Seattle so that he could take care of his sick father.
When Mrs. Eagan returned from a tour and moved to Brooklyn, Monty came with her. So did Mr. Bloom. “Because we couldn’t afford separate places, Kurt moved in with us.” She said. “He lived in Monty’s room. They had bunk beds, and I had my own room. We were co-parents and roommates. It was awkward, but it also felt normal.”
They got back together in December 2018 when Ms. Egan came back from the tour. “As soon as we got physical, the feelings and emotions came back – I realized I loved this person,” she said. By July 2019, the trio had returned to Los Angeles; Monty had his own room, and the couple had their own. After the Covid hit, Mr. Bloom was furloughed and lost his health insurance. Ms. Egan thanked SAG-AFTRA. I proposed in April 2020 while the couple were having dinner in their apartment.
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what they learned
Mrs. Egan We have a traditional unconventional marriage. I’m in direct contact with the outside world, but because I came out in my late thirties as an eccentric, I didn’t have the opportunity to explore it as much as I would have liked. I identify her as/they and we have an open relationship. I don’t know if I’ll act accordingly, but knowing the door is open is comforting. It helps me with my homosexual identity. I might want to get a buddy for Kurt. This does not concern me. There is a level of respect and acceptance that comes with understanding your partner’s sexuality.
Being married feels permanent. Love is a commitment and a decision you make every day. It’s an agreement to work as hard as possible together. Marriage means that I am there for Kurt in a supportive, financial, emotional, parenting, friendship and companionship way. He is there for me. We are equal partners, which is rare. I hope to have that for the rest of our lives.
I love him so much. He’s the person I want to be with. He is supportive, funny and smart. He is a wonderful father and partner. It makes me laugh in a way that no one else does. It’s the hard, calm in the storm. I respect him. I love watching his parents. He kisses me goodbye every morning and I think about him all day long. He came home from work and I’m excited to see him. He is my favorite person.
I’ve learned that I’ve spent a lot of my life settling down. I didn’t know who I was for a long time. Part of the evolution of this relationship is that I understand who I am. Kurt absolutely loves me, not a futuristic or theoretical version, but I do. I never feel like I have to give up any of myself to make him happy or comfortable. this is a gift. It taught me to love and respect myself in a way I had never done before.
Kurt got sober seven years ago for Monty. But this is a product of my limitations. He learned to take advantage of an emotional place he was covering up. Now it’s a connected, interactive and responsible partner. It allowed me to feel that I had an existing partner.
There was a time when I couldn’t see the positivity in it. All I saw were things that I decided were flaws. From the beginning of our relationship we were two separate people living together. I didn’t know him or know myself. I’ve learned to appreciate it, and what we’ve made. Life is hard but it’s easier to live in because we created our own little universe.
Mr. Bloom I identify as he/she. I’m comfortable with setting the daisy even though it’s comfortable. Its identity has evolved with its development. As someone who loves someone, you learn to listen, accept, understand and develop with them.
We do not have a traditional view of marriage. We are just married. A successful and open relationship means that our communication must be open and honest at all times. After that, I wouldn’t mind Daisy being with someone else. I don’t feel abandoned or left alone because she still wants to be with me, how lucky is she? I’ve been so lucky since the day I met her. I have a son with her and one of her parents, and no one has that with her.
In this marriage, I learned that we are a family. I am an integral part of a team of three. We depend on each other for laughter, food, and entertainment. We spent a year and a half of the plague together, and we survived it intact, stronger, and more in love with each other than we were before.
It took a long time to get here. I was always told my whereabouts; Here I found my role in this family, in my partnership and as a parent. There is a sense of relief from not being judged or ridiculed. I appreciate, love and heard. I feel visible. I give that to Daisy. She lets you see her and I see her. That’s why this works.
Bring practicality and pragmatism. Bring security and the ability to express themselves. I’ve taught Daisy that she doesn’t have to do everything, to let me help, and to be open to that help while assuring her that she doesn’t have to put up with everything.
When I woke up, I walked the path of getting back to who I was. Growing up, I wasn’t given the tools to get what I wanted and needed. I am collecting more tools now. I learned how to communicate, be patient and sensitive. to be present. I have learned to be less cruel to myself. There is room for error. I have learned to learn from them.
The way we designed our marriage won’t work for many people, but I can’t imagine anything more awesome than what we have. It sounds simple in words but it takes practice. I will not change anything.